I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
