HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's blow job season.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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