I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
