The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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