I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
