We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
