yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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