Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
