Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
