I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How's work?
Spinning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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