It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
