How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
