Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
