Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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