You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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