I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
