I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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