The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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