Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
