Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
