Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
