Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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