what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
