She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
