Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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