Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
