don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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