Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
