Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
