You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
im on a boat
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