So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As shirtless as possible
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
