It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
