I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
