I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
