i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you just see the Batmobile???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
