Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was so not down for the gang bang
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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