God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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