people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
