Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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