You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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