Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
