With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
