Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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