a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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