youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
People in love make me want to vomit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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