If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
