tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
