That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
