I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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