how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just had sex bonerless
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
