hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
