She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
