That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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