Whod you bang
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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