I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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