I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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