im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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