you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
