i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
