remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
