Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
