I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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