Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
