I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
