My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
